Last week we returned from our honeymoon + I can't believe it!
It feels the same but different all at once.
For any of my married friends, did you experience a shift after your wedding day?
On one of the first nights of our trip, as I sat across from my husband I started crying.
Like full on tears down my face.
Not out of love and appreciation for the past few days, but the type of tears that have a mind of their own and just free fall down your face no matter how hard you try to keep them in!
Picture this, a nice romantic dinner between newlyweds. Their MR & MRS masks neatly placed on the table. And then you notice she's crying. You'd think that he said something awful! But nope, it was just me and my brain.
I was mad, annoyed, overwhelmed, embarrassed and upset and with that crazy combo altogether I felt a deep pit start in my stomach and then move up and get caught like a lump in my throat. My body processed all of these things and it came out of my face.
I turned to my emotional investigation go-to question HOW
How have I shown up before when I've felt this way?
How do I want to show up now?
Before I would have shown up in 1 of 2 ways.
1. Run and hid in the bathroom to cry in "peace and quiet".
2. I'd sit at the table and believe unhelpful and unkind things to myself like, "What are you doing!? You should be happy right now! You look like a fool! Do.Not.Cry!"
3. point blame at someone/something else to avoid the real conversation
But on this night I let the tears and the words come out.
I talked to my husband about how I was feeling bad about myself and felt like I was already failing him as a wife.
I put those imposter syndrome thoughts and feelings into the spotlight.
I talked it out.
I felt it all the way through.
And then it was over.
HOW have I shown up in the past? I would have pushed it down, not talking about it and just let the feelings of guilt and shame loom and grow in the shadows.
But by putting these feelings in the spotlight I've learned they're not as freaky as once thought.
Remember, the worst that can happen is only ever a feeling.
So friends, HOW do you wanna show up this week?
Grab this month's package around finding grace around our people-pleasing habit