Courage & Overwhelm are emotions we all experience. What happens when you’re faced with overwhelm? Over the past month, I’ve talked about how I’ve found more courage in my life by becoming sober which was THE MOST overwhelming experience I’ve ever lived through.
With the new start of The Mel Robbins Show, I’ve been on a binge listening and watching to everything she’s doing and saying. One thing that I’ve carried with me is how she says “focus on the process and not the results this will kick your ass into action because doing is better than just thinking about doing.”
I’ve been reading/listening to Mindset by Carol Dweck where she explains the difference, pros and cons between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.
They are teaching this concept a lot in schools these days too, so this would be a great convo to bring up with your kids. Ask them if they've heard of it, and if not you can help explain.
A fixed mindset is believing your skills and talents are as they are and that you can’t change them.
A growth mindset means when it comes to criticism or faliure you get to choose how to look at it. Looking for a new way in.
They are teaching our kids to put a “yet” at the end of a sentence to help expand their growth mindset. I can't becomes I can’t do this...yet. I don’t understand this...yet. I don’t have any friends...yet.
Being scared - but doing it anyway.
As Brene Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection,
“Courage is…a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.”
So have faith in yourself, growth and change take time.
It’s funny because I’m terrified of public speaking. But I am a facilitator, a presenter, a public speaker. I do it all the time. But it doesn’t mean I’m not terrified up until the moment I start.
Practice has helped the fear not overpower me or become me. This has also helped me when it comes to my social anxiety. I channel my “presentor self” and it works. Sure at first it feels like work but when I’m in that courageous space it makes it harder to turn off rather than the other way around.
If you have a kid that is overwhelmed make sure you help them. And when I say help I don't mean take over and take all their worries away. We want to raise functioning humans that can make hard decisions for themselves one day. So again, practice!
Get your kid to talk about their worries. They can even write them all down. Our brains are great at painting pictures, and sometimes it can get too good at painting scary ones. By writing them down you can plan for them and see that some might not be as scary as once thought.
Also, get them to practice anchor thoughts. I think of Happy Gilmore when he's trying to find his happy place. It works for us adults too!
Journaling questions to build more courage:
What am I scared of?
What do I do when I’m scared?
I feel brave when.....
Who can I ask for help?