March brought spring and a new frame of mind this year. As we took a deep dive into Curiosity and Blame I was able to learn a lot about myself and how we can use one to combat the other.
One thing that was so so clear is that no one likes to be blamed outright by another person. Just take a look at the main photo. Knowing that this guy is pointing the finger at you, how do you feel?
We clam up, get defensive and try to avoid the conversations completely! When we are wanting connection, blame is one of the biggest walls you will have to learn to tear down.
Blame can show up in 3 major ways.
1. Blaming yourself
This was/is my jam. I am soooooo good at this! My negative self-talk is outstanding and no one is better at blaming themselves like me!
2. Blaming other people
It's our parent's fault I'm hard to talk to. It's my co-worker's fault that this project didn't get finished. If my partner helped me out, maybe I wouldn't be so stressed out. The kids that are driving me crazy!
3. Blaming the world for why things are wrong
Something didn't go the way you wanted because nothing ever goes the way you want! The universe is set against you! You never get your way. You live in the lyrics of Alanis Morissette's Ironic.
So how do you combat blame? With more curiosity. When we send out blame we are looking at the problem through some shit stained glasses. When you feel yourself pointing out blame - notice that it is happening. This is the moment you have a choice.
When your on the edge of your seat and ready to point the finger, this is the time to take a look at what's going on with your thoughts. There is that old school saying that when you point the finger there are 4 pointing back at you.
What is my part in this? Who needs kindness in this moment? What are the facts?
So how do you experience blame? Where does it show up most often for you? Who are you blaming the most?