in my feelings....

I don't know about you but I was always taught that we only deal with big and scary feelings in private and on your own.

Jubilation and celebration was always done as a group,

but all the hard stuff was shoved to the side or just told to pray about.

This never taught me how to actually fell things on purpose, but that they were something to fear.

I spent a lot of time ignoring my feelings!

Back in the day, I was SO good at ignoring my feelings,

I could have won an award.

I told people wearing black was my favourite because it matched the colour of my soul - black - it was because I was always avoiding feeling things because I only ever say them as a nuisance.

I thought that it was too dark and scary to really look

at my feelings in the face.

I thought that if I opened up myself to feelings I would finally see that I am actually unworthy of all the things - but the exact opposite happened.

When I started opening myself up to the spectrum of feelings

my life exploded open.

I was able to ask for what I needed from people I trusted.

I was able to tame my anxiety and depression.

I was able to trust in myself

I was able to enjoy the good stuff

and not feel overwhelmed by the sad stuff.

It took becoming a student of my feelings and myself to

really clear out this survival habit.

I love being in student mode outside of the regular classroom.

I was a super-duper average student.

I connected more with my teachers than the material or my peers.

But now that I get to learn what I want on my terms I enjoy it.

And that was the mindset I needed before really investigating my feelings.